“Family shaped you— they don’t get to script you.”
In this Sappy Hour episode, JB breaks down why you can feel free in your own life but small at a familiar table—and how to keep your self‑respect and your relationships.

We unpack family systems (roles like caretaker/peacekeeper/achiever), parentification (when kids become the emotional adults), the polyvagal lens (why a tone or look flips your body into defense), and the ACEs research that gives compassion—not shame—for what your nervous system remembers. This isn’t about cutting people off. It’s about differentiation: staying connected while staying you.

You’ll hear two powerful voicemails—a 19‑year‑old who feels drained visiting home and an adult raised through addiction/illness now rebuilding authenticity—and JB weaves them into one clear answer: love with limits, compassion with clarity, connection without self‑abandonment.

You’ll learn

• Why families act like systems—and how roles become “the price of belonging.”

• Parentification: the upside (empathy, competence) and the cost (anxiety, shaky self).

• Polyvagal 101: ventral/sympathetic/dorsal—and how “the look” drops you down the ladder.

• ACEs: early stress ≠ destiny; it explains your load and points to care before choice.

• Feedback vs. criticism (Gottman): behavior‑specific input vs. identity attacks.

• Differentiation: love them, keep you—in real life, without villains.

Top moments (no timestamps)

• “Guilt” vs grief: why not wanting to go home doesn’t make you ungrateful.

• “Retire the role, keep the gold”: empathy stays; self‑erasure goes.

• “Your body is a historian”: what neuroception is and how to meet it with awareness.

• “Short, kind, consistent”: how systems learn who you are now.

• “Family shaped you. They don’t get to script you.”

If this helped, share it with the friend who needs language for what they feel.
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IG/TikTok: @jb_copeland